Reflection: Pre-Trip Anxiety

Maybe I’m packing too much. Maybe I’m packing too little. Did I forget to buy anything? What if I needed to prebook more? I’m forgetting something, I know it. What if I don’t finish? What am I doing?

The pre-trip anxiety always hits me like a brick in the hours leading up to a big trip. You would think that after having done so many adventure trips, I would be able to stay calm, cool, and collected. But I guess that wouldn’t be congruent with how I am in all the other moments I’m not on a trip. Anxiety is something I’ve struggled with for as long as I can remember. Combined with my ADHD, I don’t blame myself for constantly checking my plane ticket to make sure I didn’t book the wrong time or date, or for worrying that I forgot to pack something critical. I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t made similar mistakes in the past.

But having been here before, I know these moments pass. My travel experience, including some horrible outcomes like getting lost, losing my phone, and being evacuated, has helped me realize that worst-case scenarios are generally not life or death. So even though my brain loves to spin uncontrollably, especially before month-long solo trips to other countries, I know I’ll be able to figure it out. These feelings will pass once I’m in the moment.

The edge of the cliff is always the scariest part, heart racing, thinking of everything that could go wrong, the sinking in your stomach of looking over the edge, your bodies natural resistance to danger but once you jump and are in the air, all you can think about is bracing for the water below. I find that part easier to deal with, and honestly, I find it somewhat peaceful.